Know your worth

Dear ladies, 

Don't settle for less. Don't settle for the first man that comes into your life just because you've been single for a while or for what seems to feel like forever in your heart. 

The "waiting time" is usually a vulnerable time in a woman's life. It's when you see a man, meet a man and immediately think and wonder and perhaps even pray he's "the one". Every man you have contact with seems like the perfect candidate to be your husband. I know, I've been there. 

I admit that waiting on that man is tough and it hurts. But I encourage you to set yourself apart for Him first, while He works on and prepares and handpicks your husband. He knows who you need. He knows who is going to balance you out. He knows who you will have a great ministry and life with. Trust Him in the process. Build a relationship with Him first. 

God had shared with me during my waiting time that He had to be first in my life. He is a jealous God. He doesn't want to be replaced by someone you're with or who you're married to. Your spouse is to be your second groom while He is to be your first! And I learned from Him that until my heart wasn't fully His, that He wouldn't release my husband to me because He needed to know my heart belonged to Him first. 

Know your worth ladies, you're all so precious and so beautiful in His sight and He loves you more than you could ever fathom and He truly only wants the best man for you but He wants your heart first! 

Good Friday - Easter/Resurrection Sunday!

lets just go ahead and admit this: Good Friday is a day off from school or from work, or if you're a stay-at-home mom like me, it's just an opportunity to quite frankly wake up a little later given that your toddler allows you to. 

i don't remember actually ever giving this day much thought, other than "hey, it's just another Friday" or even thinking that it was an important day, not just for Christians but truly for mankind. 

all week i have been somewhat preparing my heart for this day and for Sunday especially because my church is holding a Good Friday service and i've been eagerly looking forward to it. i want to go and honor the sacrifice that Christ did not only for me but for all mankind for you, for her, for him, your parents, aunts, uncles and siblings...etc... 

i've been partying in my home listening to all this Jesus music that talks about the cross and the sacrifice and His death and the empty tomb and i found myself rejoicing and crying because it truly was a sad day in history and then the happiest of days on the third day! 

now i don't know what Good Friday means to you, but to me it means that God truly sent His only Son to die on the cross for me that i may have eternal life with Him, if i so choose to believe in Him.  

John 3:16-17 says that For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him

it's easy to read this and just read it and not apply it to our lives or make it personal but it is personal! for God it was personal! He saw how messed up we all were, our sins, the condition of our hearts, and saw the only real way for us to be reconciled back to to Him was through His blameless and perfect Son, through this ultimate love story of a sacrifice - Christ dying on the cross for our sins! 

i did some quick research this morning because i was interested in reading some Good Friday related verses and i found quite a few but this one was great: 
Romans 5:6-10 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath thought Him! For if, while we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to Him through the death of His Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved though His life!

and it blows my mind that God, Our Heavenly Father cared so much for us, for mankind that He even provided a way for us to make it back to Him! He made a way! 

i also found this verse: 1 Peter 3:18 - For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit. 

i did not go as far as researching what happened on the second day but i know the happiest day in all of mankind was and must have been Sunday - the THIRD day! at least for me, it's my cause of celebration! it's what causes me to rejoice! it's what gives me chills and draws me closer to God and leaves me standing in awe! it's the third day and that EMPTY tomb that shows me no power in hell could ever come against my God, my sweet Jesus and His unfailing love for me! 

i was SO crazy excited when i found the bible has an entire chapter in Luke called HE IS RISEN! HELLLOOOOO!!!! HE. IS. RISEN!!!! 

Luke 24:1-7 - “Now on the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they, and certain other women with them, came to the tomb bringing the spices which they had prepared. But they found the stone rolled away from the tomb. Then they went in and did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. And it happened, as they were greatly perplexed about this, that behold, two men stood by them in shining garments. Then, as they were afraid and bowed their faces to the earth, they said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen! Remember how He spoke to you when He was still in Galilee, saying, ‘The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.’ "

it was His death on Good Friday and His resurrection on that glorious Sunday that portrayed a love like no other! 

Death defeated. Us - reconciled back to Him. A love that covers a multitude of sins and washes them away. An eternal life with Him. All because of the unfailing love a Father towards His creation! 

my hope and prayer is that God would reveal to you the true beauty and meaning of Good Friday and Easter. 

Have a blessed Good Friday and an amazingly joyful Easter / Resurrection Sunday! 

you are NOT alone

it was time for her nap! i went to lay her down in the stroller as part of her daily napping routine. she just wasn’t having it. she’s teething and has about 6 new teeth left that are breaking in through her little gums, so i know she’s in pain. 

after a few seconds of trying to strap her in through her kicking, screaming and look now i am stiff as a wall, she's still screaming as if i was hurting her. after succeeding at strapping her in, she finally laid there, still crying. i tried my best to rock her for a few seconds until her cry really struck a chord in my heart. i went to her! i had to meet her where she was! i practically had half of my body in the stroller with her, (i should gotten in to sleep with her) at some point all i could think of was the pain i started to feel in my lower back from the position i was in, but i stayed half in and half out of the stroller with her, and she gripped on to my neck with her little hands and her little arms… Hannah is only 1 and a half, but i will tell you she’s brolic, a baby hulk haha and has a death grip in those little hands. this is what she looks like gripping on to one of her stuffed friends: 

so… when i noticed she was dozing off, i pulled away and sure enough she started to cry again like she was dying cause she is truly that dramatic, and i had to remind myself for the millionth time that she’s teething and in pain. so i got close to her again, she gripped on to me - again! and i laid my head on her chest. i tried several times pulling away and she kept pulling me back in! 

i managed to pull away but this time looking at her in the process. i then started to caress her little head and i held her little cheek in my hand, looked her in the eyes and started to speak to her, in hopes to keep her at peace and in hopes to calm her down and this song by Kari Jobe called “I Am Not Alone” was playing on 96.7FM K-Love and i started to sing it to her. instead of singing “i am not alone” i sang to her, “you are not alone”…

“I am not alone (you are not alone) 

I am not alone (you are not alone)

You will go before me (He will go before you)

You will never leave me (He will never leave you)

In the midst of deep sorrow

I see Your light is breaking through

The dark of night will not over take me (you) 

I am pressing into You

Lord, You fight my (your) every battle 

And i will not fear” 

after i was done singing it to her, i was convinced that God was also speaking to me through that song, trying to keep me calm, trying to keep me at peace, trying to get me to focus on Him through my battles, reminding me i am not alone, when precisely the day before i was sharing with a friend that i felt alone in this season the Lord has been taking me through. 

now... going back to me trying to keep my daughter at peace by talking to her, by having her eyes fixed on me and while singing to her, she thankfully started to doze off I MEAN GOODNESS! HALLELUJAH!!! and i slipped in her stuffed dog, but even in doing that i was reminded by God to remind her that she can have the dog but that she really only needs to know that she has security in Jesus and the He is always with her. it was really just such a beautiful moment between me, her and God. so i gently reminded her that the only One she will ever need is Jesus and to rest assured He is always with her.

everyone i know who hears from God, hears from Him differently. this is how God speaks to me many times, through my experiences and moments shared with my children and a lot of those moments are beautiful even the ones where He is correcting me by using my children. 

but let me talk or write i should say about how through that sweet moment, i was quickly reminded of a few things:

- that through the chaos, through the pain, through the battles and through the heartaches of life, its important to keep our eyes fixed on Christ and on the cross because there’s no greater peace than the one He gives us and places in our hearts

- that we need to keep looking up to Him, keeping also our ears tuned to His voice and His words and promises over our lives because that also helps us to be and remain at peace

- that our grip should be on Him, not on anything this world has to offer 

- that He loves us so much He even sings over us 

- that He truly does meet us where we are in our pain and our struggles, He is with us through it all 

- that His peace calms our troubled hearts, even when we don’t fully understand what is going on and i was reminded that His peace surpasses all understanding

- in Hannah's case, who she needed was me at the moment, her parent. But who we ultimately need is our Heavenly Father - for everything. He has the solution to it all. He is the one only One who can soothe and take away our pain and then eventually turn it into something beautiful

So i wanted to encourage you all that you are NOT alone today. No matter what you’re going through, as i can imagine it may hurt, as i can imagine you feel alone in the battle, you are NOT alone. He goes before you, He fights your every battle just like the song says. 

this is one of my favorite scriptures because it was the first time i learned that God rejoices over us with singing. SINGING - i mean how beautiful and romantic and poetic is that! He is so awesome! so smile in knowing that God the creator of universe, the creator of all, the creator of you sings over YOU! 

Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV - The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing 

(the MSG version says it like this “He’ll calm you with His love and delight you with His songs”) 

and then i leave you with this one… for a peace that surpasses all understanding:

Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV - Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Believe in yourself. Dream. Live.

We all have dreams, ideas, passions, visions and goals for our lives and even for our families. Unfortunately, we never reach or end up doing what we so desire because too many times we get stuck. We end up not doing anything meaningful with our lives because we have this bad habit of giving in to our insecurities and our fears, while also giving up before even giving ourselves a chance. 

If we could only grab on the truth that most of the desires in our hearts come from the Lord Himself because He has placed them there, we would go so far! We need to hang on to Him and believe and trust that we can do anything with Him by our side. If we dare to see ourselves the way He sees us, there is so much more we would be doing with our lives. There’s something so encouraging and so motivating when we have someone on our side, who loves us and cheers us on. Well i tell you that God cheers you on and if you have loved ones cheering you on then you my friend are more than blessed and you should be able to do and accomplish that which your hearts so desires while shutting up all the negative voices in your head and while kicking those insecurities to the curb. 

I know someone who is so fearless in the way he lives his life and i look up to him so much and he has become such an inspiration to me. My little brother Chris. I am 33 years old, he is a few years younger (I always forget exactly how old) but man does this guy understand the meaning of living out your dreams and making it a purpose to live. He recently graduated from John Jay and i am excited to announce that he has a poetry book coming out soon. If you are interested in poetry or just writing in general, i encourage you to check him out on Instagram: @itscarus and read many of his pieces. He truly does have a grace to write, and beautifully may i add. 

My reason for mentioning my brother is not because he is my brother but because he is a good example of what it looks like to not give in to insecurities. He could very well sit as he writes and compare himself to others and that alone would get him nowhere. Same goes for us, we could take many moments out of our lives to compare ourselves to what others are doing and how well they are doing somethings we also desire to be doing, but i guarantee you that will get you nowhere and it will only shatter your dreams before you even start to live them. 

As a stay-at-home mom, i have been trying to find ways to bring in some side mulaaaa "cash" to help my husband. From what i have been seeing on social media, there are quite a few ways us moms can bring in “cheddah cheese” (like my sons like to call money lol) from the comfort of our homes, especially those moms who lean more towards the world of creativity :) I mean all you have to do is check out good ol' Pinterest and search for "under 20 minute how-to's" and I am sure you'll find a few things to master and make some money out of. 

I do have bigger dreams though. I dream of baking and owning a family Coffee Shop where i can also sell my homemade items because i desire to leave a legacy behind for my children.

We all have really big dreams or even small ones in between and sadly, we have allowed our fears to get in the way. At least I know I do. I have been nothing but consumed with pretty cool and fun ideas on what to do at home while my little girl takes her 2 hour long naps. In my down time, i have come to realize that nothing shuts down, kills your dreams and passions like a speck of insecurity. Then we fall into a pattern of again, comparing ourselves to others and perhaps even questioning if we’re good at anything to begin with. 

I have heard this being said, that the only one stopping us from making any kind of move or from moving forward with an idea or a dream is us. 

Do you talk to yourself? I talk to myself, I am not even going to lie! Now, don't lie! You all know you talk to yourselves too! Good or bad, we ALL talk to ourselves. My thoughts, my voices go a little something like this or have been going a little something like this for quite some time now, as I try to bring to life a few ideas i have had pending in my heart, which i believe God has placed there. ”Everyone I see on social media or someone i know is already baking, making jewelry, making bags, writing, blogging and creating sugar scrubs and bath salts and doing what i know i could probably do pretty well too, and doing a heck of a great job. What will be so different about my products or what i have to offer? Or great, another cupcake baker, another mom making bags, and stuff at home!" it gets crazy in my head sometimes... it pushes me to tears! 

If i have learned anything about insecurity is that it's a BULLY! Our insecurities have a way of bullying and tormenting us until we feel completely paralyzed, stuck and incapable of doing what our hearts desire! But keep this is mind... A while ago i learned through Joyce Meyer that God gives us the strength to do what He called us to do! Through Him we could do all things, especially those things we are called to do! "Philippians 4:13 NKJV - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". It's just a matter of us figuring out what He called us to do - spreading His word being the number one goal! and then us setting our hearts to accomplish those dreams, visions, ideas and plans God has placed in our hearts. It could be the simplest of things like maybe knitting a scarf for the homeless. 

I believe that what separates us from the crowd and the pool of people already doing what we so badly desire to do, is good ol' sweet loving GRACE! Or as my Dominican people say "GRACIA" not as in "thank you" but as in "he/she has the grace to sew, cook or bake like no one else can" or in my husbands case, "el tiene gracia para cocinar esa sopa de lentijas" <--- that's for my husband :) cause God knows my sweet husband is a hidden chef (my chef) and he is blessed and graced with the ability to cook meals from scratch! No matter how much i try to prepare his famous-in-our-family lentil soup, even if i prepare it step by step, it just won't taste the same! That kills me and makes me laugh because i had to realize i am simply not graced with the ability to prepare his delicious lentil soup! 

My little brother Chris is truly graced with the gift of writing… My mom makes these amazing lasagnas from scratch that everyone in our family loves, and she is NOT Italian lol but she’s got that grace to make them so darn well. 

What are you graced with doing? We all have something to offer the world in a unique way. 

Yes, we can all cook, bake, sew, write and create certain things etc... But again, I strongly feel that we are each given a special grace to do certain things in excellence. 

Don't allow insecurity to shatter, kill or ruin your dreams before you even give yourself a chance! Don't make the mistake i have made in comparing myself to others. I don't always believe in myself the way i should or even the way my loved ones believe in me or even better, the way God believes in me but i am working on that because there truly is so much i want to do with my life. 

Make it a point today to sit down, write your dreams, vision, ideas and plans and choose to believe in them and yourself and step out in faith and follow what is in your heart. 

Be humble. Be confidant. Be brave. Be strong. Be bold. Keep your head up and be YOU! You owe it to yourself to be best you that you can be! Never stop believing in yourself. Remain thankful and keep God first! There is nothing we can't do with Him by our side!

oh how gentle His love is...

So... I think a post like this has been wayyyyyy over due. It's about that time I dedicate this one to my Heavenly Father and share a subtle little thing that happened today that blessed me in a big way. 

If you haven't figured out already, I am a Christian woman. If you had not figured it out by my actions or words, it's okay :) I probably wouldn't think I was a Christian either. But Lord knows I try my best on a daily basis to be an extension of Him and His love. On most days I succeed BUT I think that on even most mostest (I know, not a word) of days I fail, because let's face it, I am human and I suck and my attitude is whack. Either way my love for Him is one that can't be shaken and I am still a rough work in progress. 

On other posts, I will gladly share of all He has done for me. 

But here's a little something that happened today :) if you follow me on Instagram, you already know the story, part of it at least... To some, perhaps this may seem silly but to me, quite meaningful. 

A little back story of why this meant so much to me:
I have been battling with something within my marriage for quite sometime now, which I won't express at the moment until we or I get the victory and He gets the glory! But yes, I've been going through and naturally I tend to feel like God has abandoned me, which is clearly NOT true because His word says so, that He will never leave me (us, you) nor forsake me (us, you). But either way, I still ended up feeling abandoned by Him in this battle. I started to feel like He really wasn't listening to my pleas, my cries and my frustrations along with what I could muster up as prayers. 

But He's a good God. A good Father and a good listener even when we feel like our prayers, petitions and our desires are going up into the abyss of space. Believe me when I tell you that He will find a way, a special way to let you know, to remind you that yes He is with you and by your side and listening to your every cry and that He is concerned about your every care. All you need to do is open your eyes, ears and your heart for when He speaks and reveals Himself. 

In regards to my battle, not only has he made it a point to pair me up with a sister in Christ, who shall remain nameless at the moment, to help me through and to lift me up and encourage me through but then He does a little extra to catch my attention. 

I can't make these things up about how awesome and caring God is! 

Almost every day, while walking home from my day out with the kids, I pass by a specific house that has these flowers:

and every time I pass by, I touch and look at them cause they're so darn pretty (and mostly because I am a little too crazy about flowers) and of course I once wanted to pluck them lol but didn't because it's on someones property. 

BUT! Today I passed by the same house around 7:30pm while taking the kids for a walk (lol as if my children were dogs, I know, that sounds terrible) and I stopped to take a picture (left) and I noticed the owner of the house (for the first time ever in my almost 7 years living in my neighborhood) watering his plants and he kindly asked me with an Indian accent: "Do you want a couple?" and I smiled so hard and clearly said YES! and I went on to tell him how pretty they are. 

He went on to warn me that the flowers/stems had thorns... and what he does next really blessed my heart. He made it his business to come out of his house with a scissor because clearly the flowers have thorns, and aint nobody got time to be getting pricked by thorns (but i did). SO, there he is walking with the scissor (in that moment, I can't even lie when I tell you all that I walked away slowly because I was with the kids and I thought "oh shoot this guy is now gonna stab us all with a scissor all because of some flowers" LOL) but anyway, so he plucked them, 3 stems, and he even went on to put them in a plastic bag he brought out for me which was so darn sweet! And I thanked him so much and smiled like a psycho! 

Aaaaaand that's my story behind these flowers that now sit pretty on my window sill which is clearly dirty lol but please just ignore that and don't judge :)  

Sooooo. I say all this to say that God loves me and He really does love you and He cares even about the smallest desires of our hearts! And just when we feel or think or are stubbornly convinced He's not there on His throne listening, He truly is. 

I pray that you take heart and open your eyes, ears and hearts to His subtle voice and be aware of how truly loving and caring He is. 

Nothing is too big for God. He responds to us in ways that we understand. He communicates in ways we will comprehend. 

He knows I LOVE flowers, so although it may seem silly to say He communicates in "flower", yes He does. It blessed my heart to know He would use a simple flower and that man to let me know He's on His throne listening to me, my cries, my petitions and my prayers. 

As always, He is right on time. As always, I am left smiling because of how gentle He loves me. And I simply know with all my heart that He is in control, of everything. 

I love You Lord! 

the life of a stay-at-home mom...

dedicated to all the stay-at-home moms - you are enough, you have value and what you do within your home matters...

my life as a stay-at-home mom: 
not always in this order :) but here goes...wake up (thank You Jesus), tend to my children's needs, prepare breakfast for them, wash dishes, wait i forgot to make my breakfast, wash dishes again, have Hannah take her morning nap, make sure i am listening to my boys when they speak, walk by my room and notice i have not done my bed and think "i will get to it", 95% of the time i simply don't get to it...oh look it's lunch time, prepare lunch for them, take them to the park or let them play in front of the house, text my husband good morning or good afternoon, squeeze in some time to shower (i love those moments when i simply can't remember if i showered) oh wait, i didn't have lunch, no wonder i am dizzy and it's almost 6pm, but wait, i need to organize the kitchen real quick and the living room before my husband gets home from work. text my mom, respond to my mom, respond to my friends, prepare dinner for all of us, oh look, i am actually sitting down now, but wait, let me use the bathroom *hears knock on the door*, bathroom break over... (i know i am not the only mom that uses the bathroom as an excuse to hide from everyone in the home for a few minutes)... breastfeed Hannah, put Hannah in bed, kiss boys good night, make sure i hug them tight, FUDGE, we forgot to pray! tend to my husbands needs...*wipes sweat off forehead* sheesh! sometimes my life feels like this, like a run on sentence lol! do it all over again tomorrow! very rarely do i get moments like this where it's almost 2am in the morning and i am up typing and listening to music. 

why, oh why am i not sleeping at this time... i don't need sleep, i am robot! at least i think that is what my daughter thinks - i am convinced she has a sensor or radar or SOMETHING that tells her, "oooohh look, mommy is about to take a nap and or go to sleep, let me wake up NOW"! lol i have lost count of the times i have BEGGED the Lord to put her back to sleep so that i can take a nap or get some sleep period. but i am awake at this time simply because it's the only time i get to MYSELF :) to be alone, to catch up on a movie, catch up with God, mindlessly scroll through my social media feeds... ah, the good ol' after hours! time to think, laugh, pray and cry about my very long day...

confessions and thoughts of a stay-at-home mom: 

i can admit that sometimes i get stuck in a rut and a wonder of "is this it?" "is this all i was created for? is this all i am worth?" as if what i do is not significant or valuable enough, as if the fact that i am not out there making some money takes away from my value. someone needs to name this the "stay-at-home-mom syndrome" or something to that effect. i even often wonder "was this my only purpose? to be a mom and a wife? am i done here on earth?" 

it's easy as a stay at home mom to fall into this kind of thinking, at least for me it has been easy. it's funny, there aren't enough hours in a day for me to get things done around the house but there seems to always be plenty of time for me to over think and allow my own thinking to put me down.

a little about my journey as a mom: 

i don't know what teens dream of these days, or what ambitions they have but for me, my goal in my early teens was to be married with kids before or by the age of 30. that was my goal! having a family was my goal.

Sammy:

i remember being in my very early 20's - 21 to be exact. i was in college, working and just had a newborn, Sammy, my oldest (November 2003). i remember having to go back to work when my baby was only 2 months. by the grace of God he was always taken care of by family which i have always been thankful for. but the pain i felt in my heart in having to leave him behind while i was working and in college still stings me today. the hours and days i lost with my first baby, i knew i could never regain. even in writing this now my eyes get watery cause i have always felt terrible for leaving him while being so little. but hey, i had a job waiting for me and college. 

Daniel:

i was working at a different company when i had my second child, Daniel, (May 2008), when he arrived, forget it... i started to feel a pull, a tug, a yank at my heart at my very being and core to stay home with him. in my heart, no money in the world could ever compare to the time i could be spending with the children i carried within me for more than 9 months. by that time i had finished college in 2006. i remember praying to God after i had him and talking to my sons dad and expressing my desires of wanting to be home. that weekend at church i remember someone, who just so happens to now be my best friend - Belinda, she had given a testimony about being a stay-at-home mom and how God had been providing for her and her family. you can already imagine that i took that testimony as a confirmation from God that yes, i could stay home. so between me and my boys dad, we decided i would just not return to work and that is what happened. i stayed home with my little guy. 

bits and pieces of my life as a single stay-at-home mom:

in September of 2009, during the process of me getting separated from their dad, i had gotten a job. moved in alone with my boys and soon after in February 2010 got laid off. which i could tell you was an answered prayer. being a single mom at the time and working in the city during the brutal winter was not fun and not easy. to say that i cried every single day on the bus ride home, is NOT even an exaggeration. 

i remember having to rush out of work at 5pm to take the train uptown to get Sammy from school at 6pm, to then get on the bus to get Daniel from Belinda's house (my best friend back then also took care of my Daniel), to then get back on the bus to go home. we would get home to then do homework, dinner, shower and bed to then do it all over again the next day. so you can now imagine why me being laid off was a blessing and an answered prayer. i begged God to take me out and He did just that. to this day, Sammy and i call that winter the season of hell. 

in me getting laid off i was able to collect unemployment by the grace of God for two full years and be home with my boys. a single mom and a stay-at-home mom! during this time, i met my husband and we had started dating in 2011. in 2012, it was time for me to get back to work, because yes, unemployment funds had run out.

Married life, Hannah and being a stay-at-home mom:

now, fast forwarding to August 2013 where i got married to Cesar, the one man who has been able to deal with all i am, fast forwarding again to January 2014 - we found out we were pregnant with our first baby together, our daughter Hannah, that God had promised years ago. i was long done with college, but of course i had a job, which had been such a blessing because it was a job i had prayed for. SO, from January 15, that i tested positive for baby number 3! from that moment up until i gave birth to Hannah i had this burning desire in my heart all over again to be home with her when she was born. my desire and passion towards wanting to be a stay-at-home mom has been in me from the moment i became a mom. by the grace of God, and the understanding of my husband, i am a stay-at-home mom now to my three precious children. 

i am going on 33 years old in October and i look back at my journey and my life as a mom, or my life and i can't think of anything i've loved more in my life than being a mom. through the dirty dishes, dirty laundry, food on the floor, messy rooms, restless and sleepless nights - there's still no amount of money on this earth that could ever compare to the time I spend with my kids.

dear world and society - do not mistake us stay-at-home moms for lazy! we work just as hard as any other woman out there making money. I did it for years and my mom has done it for years. i am simply blessed that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be home with my children. 

my purpose, my calling...

here's a little encouragement to you stay-at-home mommas: 

i had a good friend and sister in Christ, Johanna, send me this twice on different occasions.

Excerpt from a book called Sun Stand Still by one of my favorite authors: Steven Furtick - "God may lead you to stay at home with your young children, forfeiting a second income. Ordinary. But along with diapers, dishes, and naps, you receive the gift of time— to model discipline, instill values, and speak life into your kids. They could grow up to be Joshuas" 

What we do at home is just as important as what we do in a corporate office. we are raising our children in the ways of the Lord. 

i think that if I dig really deep into my younger years, I would find in the depths of my heart that all i have ever wanted to do with my life is be a mom and be a wife... 

I've been struggling a lot lately with trying to figure out what my purpose in life is because again, i tend to fall into these ruts of "omg is this it?" and I've been learning that my number one purpose is to spread the love of Christ. Then to be a wife to my husband and be a mom to my three precious children... As for everything else in my heart that i would love to pursue, I have to just trust God that it will fall into place at the right time... 

But dear God, if I do nothing else with my life Lord, let me just be an extension of all You are to those around me! let me impact the world around me! if I do nothing else with my life Lord but be Your daughter, my husbands wife and a mom to the children you have trusted me with! may I do it in excellence and may my life be a sweet aroma to You Lord and may all I do, even when it's the dirty dishes and housework while raising up three children, may I do it all to honor You Lord! 

Smile and Move On...

With everyday that passes, something new is learned... 

I'm learning that not everyone is meant to be part of my life... As much as this truth stings and even hurts me, I'm coming to terms with it and choosing to accept it. 

I have noticed that people who once were so important in my life have now somehow just become an acquaintance, whether it was a family member or a friend... I never understood that but I am realizing it's all part of this thing called LIFE! Surprisingly, people who were once strangers have become a lot like family... and it will no longer come to me as a surprise if these people I now consider to be so close to me and consider to be "family" someday become strangers.

I've had people in the past few years come into my life for a season or more... And they have served as a huge blessing to me and my family as I only hope I was a blessing to them... 

I believe God places us in people's lives as a friend, a sister, brother, lover, mentor or even as a stranger because we have something to offer, something within us they can use, learn or benefit from for a certain season in their lives, as I believe God has placed people in my life for the same reasons... 

As time passes, something happens... We, I, people change... That's just a dead honest reality, whether for better or worse, people change. Whether it's due to bad influence or due to progress, people change and so do our priorities. 

Our priorities change with everything that naturally takes place in our lives, whether it be a new job, business, marriage, death in the family, children being born or even newer friendships or new people we meet... no longer making way or space or time for the existing, at times by choice, other times by natural default... It's unfortunate, but yes, our priorities change. 

Due to my transparent nature, I can freely admit that I used to get annoyed when I would see people on my social media feeds enjoying their lives and living their lives, without me... Who the heck gets annoyed at that??? Clearly, I did... and then it hit me not too long ago! I. AM. DOING. JUST. THAT! Living and enjoying my life! My priorities too have changed with time, my friendships have changed, family I have because we are blood related are honestly strangers to me.  

My biggest priority, for those who follow me on social media, know that it's God, my husband and my three precious children, my family (my mom and brother's) and my very small selection of friends. 

I think we owe it to everyone we come in contact with, to simply be ourselves and give our best... If you don't know me, that's okay :) for those who do know me, know that I love hard. It's how God created me. 

I can only speak for myself and my life experiences and my walk and journey with God as I express that He has placed people in my life during all seasons of my life to help me, mentor me, lift me up, encourage me, cry with me, give me a loving push, to love on me hard, to scold me, to mold me, to shape me, to bless me and my family financially and with gifts or to give me a simple hug... 

I say all this to say He knows who and what we need and every point in our lives and while some may come and go from our lives, His love, His grace, His goodness, His forgiveness remains. He remains by our side through every season of our life.

To those who have stuck by me like glue, despite the changes... Thank you! 

To those who have stuck by me regardless of my ugliness, selfishness and human nature, Thank you! 

To those who genuinely choose to be part of my world...my life...me... Thank you!

Our circle of people changes as we change... And that is more than okay... Smile and move on... Guilt free!